Nice Captain

A Spanish Naval captain was walking leisurely on his battleship when a subordinate rushes over to him and says "Sir, an enemy battleship is fast approaching us. We should be ready",

The captain replies coolly "Go. Get my Red shirt." The subordinate rushes over and gets the Shirt for his captain. The captain wears the red shirt.

After some time, the enemy battleship comes in range. Consequently heavy rounds of fire are exchanged between the two battleships. After much effort, the Spanish win.

The subordinate approaches his boss, "Congratulations for the victory sir, but why did you require the red shirt in the first place?"

The captain replies "Because, during the war if I got injured then my blood should not have been seen as I did not want my men to lose hope and to fight with the same ferocity."

Just then another subordinate rushes over. "Sir, we just spotted another 20 enemy battleships heading in our direction."

The captain replies coolly “Go. Get my yellow trousers.”

Submitted by: Jayraj

Hilarious Quotes (rules and laws)

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.

If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.

As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.

He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.

Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.

Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.

If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

The Petrified Cab Driver

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!".

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years".

Nice way to punish your BOSS

Click here to download the funny powerpoint presentation. You can use it take out all your frustrations with your BOSS !!!

Indian at the airport

Download and listen to this funny conversation between an airline employee and an Indian passenger !! Click here to download this audio file.

The Arab & the Gujju...

A rich Arab was admitted to the Lilavati Hospital in Mumbai for a heart transplant.

Prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood type in case need arose. As the Arab had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood. The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati in gratitude a new Toyota Prado, diamonds, Lapiz Lazuri jewellery and US$100,000.A year later, the Arab had to undergo corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati, who was more than happy to donate blood again to the Arab.

After the corrective surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a Thank You card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the second time the Arab did not reciprocate the Gujarati's kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him why this time he had sent him only a Thank You card and Almond sweets.

To this, the Arab replied "Bapu.....now I have Gujju blood in my veins."